For the Blogging From A to Z Challenge I’m doing you all a huge favor and filling you in on the 26 Things To Hate About Writing.** I’m hoping by the end of April, I will have convinced all of you not to indulge in the wild insanity of becoming a writer. If I can save even one person from offering themselves up in sacrifice to the mad and fickle word gods, I will have done some good in this world.
I talked about how authors are the worst, now let’s discuss the other side of that terrible equation: readers. It turns out they aren’t going to just let you cram whatever inane disjointed idea you come up with down their throats and swallow it happily. They want things like substance, plot, sympathetic characters, and interesting storylines. Back in my day, we walked ten miles, both ways, uphill, in a blizzard, just to read self-important, boring, structureless drivel. And we were grateful! Kids these days.
If you’re going to write, you’re going to want someone to read it, and then you’re going to have to put up with people’s opinions. You can’t please everyone all the time, but you probably want to please a few people for at least a couple hours on Friday. Before you try jumping through those flaming hoops, consider this:
– Some people will just never like the stuff you write. You can try showing up at their house and smacking them, but I’ve been told it doesn’t work and ends in restraining orders. However, some authors wrote their best stuff in prison!
– Once you create beloved characters, they belong to more than just you, they also belong to your audience. You have to be true to the story, or you’re doing your readership a disservice. Let Misery be a cautionary tale in killing off characters you’re just tired of.
– Inevitably, some people who read your stuff will want to review it. Everyone has an opinion, but not everyone has to go on a reviewer’s website and write a long diatribe about how the reviewer is a flaming bag of dog feces. I mean, unless you’re tired of your career and want to end it right there.
Readers, of course, are why we write. You can keep your diary private (and please do) but most writers want their work to be read. There’s nothing like having a devoted readership, to have people give you their honest, heartfelt opinions of your work, and to know you’re not screaming into the void. I mean, except NOT writing, which gives you altogether less anxiety and desire for the approval of others. Try something less stressful and public, like being a politician.
**Disclaimer: If you haven’t figured it out, these posts are pure satire and simply a humorous way to vent my writing frustrations. No offense is intended to anyone. Please, become or continue being a writer. It’s awesome, I swear. It’s super…duper, awesome…heh heh.