Q Is For Quantity

For the Blogging From A to Z Challenge I’m doing you all a huge favor and filling you in on the 26 Things To Hate About Writing.** I’m hoping by the end of April, I will have convinced all of you not to indulge in the wild insanity of becoming a writer. If I can save even one person from offering themselves up in sacrifice to the mad and fickle word gods, I will have done some good in this world.

Check out each letter’s post here.

QUANTITY

Any old person can call themselves a writer, if you want to be pedantic about it. If you write a classified ad, or a letter to your Mom, technically you’re a writer. Just being literate makes you a writer. If you write nonsensical phrases on index cards and sell them to your confused friends for a quarter, you’re a paid writer. But at this point, people who write actual stories and books are going to write you into their next book as a character who gets torn asunder by wolves. Wolves who are drawn to the sweet taste of index cards.

Writers, or authors, if you want to get snooty about it, are defined by three things: how much caffeine and/or liquor they consume in any given twenty-four hour period, how wild the look in their eyes is, and the quantity of stuff they write. Also, by the number of cats they own, sometimes. The quantity of stuff you write is what puts you over the line from literate person to person who took that innocuous skill and did unspeakable things with it. However:

– Not everything you write is gold, or silver, or even lead. Practice makes perfect. There’s always going to be a small pile of perfect next to your huge mountain of…well, you know.
– The more you write, the better you get at it. How do you get to Carnegie Hall? I don’t know, use Google Maps.
– You write tons of stuff just because it feels good to write, and hope something usable comes out of that. Writing will also make you feel really bad at times, no matter how much you churn out. It’s like the stomach flu in that way.

One of the worst things about writing is…writing. Sure, it’s great to have a huge body of work to look back on, learn from, and take pride in. It feels good to create, to produce words, and you’ll eventually discover you’ve written more than you ever expected to. But consider this: every one of those bits of writing was a TV show you could have binge-watched instead of crying because you can’t make the plot work; some spackling you could have scraped off with a putty knife instead of a character that wouldn’t cooperate; a jet engine you could have built from scratch instead of pounding your head against the wall trying to make a story work. Stop writing and go invade a country instead, it’s easier.


**Disclaimer: If you haven’t figured it out, these posts are pure satire and simply a humorous way to vent my writing frustrations. No offense is intended to anyone. Please, become or continue being a writer. It’s awesome, I swear. It’s super…duper, awesome…heh heh

17 comments

  1. Well, I’m sorry that you happen to produce lots of stuff that is… err… not up to standard.
    Everything I write is gold, so thankfully I don’t have to worry about it. That’s the same reason why I don’t need an editor. And I didn’t even have to practice for this, it’s a natural talent.
    Now that I think about it, I’m probably a genius.

    @JazzFeathers
    The Old Shelter – 1940s Film Noir

    Like

  2. I’m a technical and copy writer by profession, and the argument I always hear is “everybody can write so why do we need to hire a writer?” It’s frustrating as hell; especially when you point out the 7 mistakes in their 2 sentence email …

    Like

  3. Writing is like the flu, plus a bad rash and hitting your funny bone. Quantity, though, yes. Have you ever tried 750words.com? I’m using it now. I can crank out 750 words in 22 minutes, then go back and edit what I’ve done and publish it as a post – although I think that might be the opposite of what they’d like users to do with the site, honestly.
    ———-
    Eli@CoachDaddy
    Q is for Quote Challenge

    Like

    1. Oh, interesting! I’ll have to go check it out. Anything that encourages productivity and getting the words down isn’t a bad thing. I’m all about anything that gets the work done. Despite my theme for this challenge. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s