For the Blogging From A to Z Challenge I’m doing you all a huge favor and filling you in on the 26 Things To Hate About Writing.** I’m hoping by the end of April, I will have convinced all of you not to indulge in the wild insanity of becoming a writer. If I can save even one person from offering themselves up in sacrifice to the mad and fickle word gods, I will have done some good in this world.
So, you wrote a book. Congratulations, dummy. Oh, you wrote a series of books, and got them published? Do you know how much time that took away from staring at walls and contemplating your fleeting existence? You could have been brooding over how much you hate life, but instead you went and did something productive that made you happy.
Well, you’re not going to be happy for long. Go back and take a look at your series. Here’s what you’re going to find:
– That side character named Stacy in the first book is now Joyce in the third book. Maybe she hated her name because it reminded her of her dead grandma, so she got it legally changed. Yeah, let’s go with that.
– You wrote a series about vampires who can battle the sun, but in book 8 one of them steps outside at noon and is burnt to a crisp. Maybe he was weak. Maybe he had a skin condition or something.
– Despite the fact that three beta readers, two editors, and yourself read this twenty times, your hero’s dog in the first book became a cat later. Just pretend you were writing a shifter story all along.
Inconsistencies happen, and they’re one of the worst things about writing. They happen in the best-planned books, they happen to famous, successful authors. They get in there and they’re not caught until they are, usually by a reader. It’s okay I suppose, because it’s exactly like life. When I was twenty I could run a mile without getting winded, now I’m out of breath just looking at a set of stairs. Whoever is writing me is keeping crappy notes.
**Disclaimer: If you haven’t figured it out, these posts are pure satire and simply a humorous way to vent my writing frustrations. No offense is intended to anyone. Please, become or continue being a writer. It’s awesome, I swear. It’s super…duper, awesome…heh heh.