H Is For Homophones

For the Blogging From A to Z Challenge I’m doing you all a huge favor and filling you in on the 26 Things To Hate About Writing.** I’m hoping by the end of April, I will have convinced all of you not to indulge in the wild insanity of becoming a writer. If I can save even one person from offering themselves up in sacrifice to the mad and fickle word gods, I will have done some good in this world.

Check out each letter’s post here.

HOMOPHONES

One day, someone created the English language and they were like, “Should I make this easy, with only one word pronounced a certain way?” They thought about it for a bit, then they realized someday there were going to be these dumb creatures called writers, and they laughed. They said, “Heavens no, let me make a bunch of words that sound the same but are spelled differently, and they mean different things. They think they’re so high and mighty being writers, let’s see if they can manage to never mess this up.”

So were born homophones. You think you’re smart enough to never mess them up, don’t you? Well, let’s take a look at that manuscript of yours:

– You know you meant knew, but you wrote new. Somehow, you did this six times. By the way, spellcheck completely ignores crap like this because it figures you’re smarter than it is.
– You start to realize you’re not smarter than a computer program.
– This is all writing’s fault.
– They like to meat in the park and eat meet. Then they get in their boat and sale on down to the mall for the big sail. Spellcheck don’t care. Spellcheck hates you.

One of the worst things about writing is getting your words write. This is apparently a prerequisite for being an author, but even after banging on a keyboard for a hundred years you’re going to screw up from time to time. That’s what editing is for, and it helps us to pay close attention to our work and put real effort into polishing it up. But who has time for that? You have that short story about the time your dog ate the cat’s poop and threw up on the bed to self-publish on Amazon. You don’t have time to sort your fleas and flees.


**Disclaimer: If you haven’t figured it out, these posts are pure satire and simply a humorous way to vent my writing frustrations. No offense is intended to anyone. Please, become or continue being a writer. It’s awesome, I swear. It’s super…duper, awesome…heh heh.

58 thoughts on “H Is For Homophones

  1. Hahaha. Yes, spellcheck hates us.

    Like

  2. So my challenge-mushed brain read your title as “holophone” and I thought “Why are you writing about an instrument from Futurama?” Then I realised it said homophone and laughed at the coincidence…but then I realised the instrument in Futurama was actually called a holophonor, and that I really need more sleep lol!

    Also, yes, spellcheck is the honey badger of the writing world. *nods*

    Here’s my “H” post 🙂 http://nataliewestgate.com/2017/04/hidden-secret-diary-of-a-serial-killer

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    1. LOL that’s hilarious! A holophone would be pretty cool, though…

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  3. I’ve always wondered how homophones were born. Now I know! 😉 (Pesky little things, too.)

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    1. Torture devices for writers! (One of many, of course.)

      Like

  4. My son was depending on spell check in 6th grade. He decided he did need a human editor when I said, “Good luck with your paper on Globule Warming.” Spell check is a bit of a fail on that too.

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    1. LOL that’s hilarious! Spellcheck doesn’t know when we’re using the wrong word, alas.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. It was quite lovely. He inherited the good math/music, bad spelling from me.

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  5. These are the typos that always making into my published books! I always miss one or two and have someone point them out. But at least I can fix them easily enough.

    ~Patricia Lynne aka Patricia Josephine~
    Story Dam
    Patricia Lynne, Indie Author

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think no matter how hard you try, a typo always gets in. Every Stephen King book I’ve read has even had a few!

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  6. randommusings29 April 11, 2017 — 10:39 AM

    A perfect illustration of how frustrating the English language can be!
    Debbie

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    1. It’s maddening, isn’t it? Thank you!

      Like

  7. Great post! I’m really enjoying your series.

    And heads up, my post for tomorrow (the letter “I”) makes good on my threat to bring back Hawk from last year. Hopefully I got him write. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh my gosh, I’m going write over to check it out!! Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Funny thing is, some editors think you’re doing it on purpose! LOL

    Liked by 1 person

    1. LOL yes, us writers are always making work for them!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. I have an ongoing argument with a writer friend of mine. He’d love for the English language to be easier and make sense. I think it’s more fun this way!
    Doree Weller

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    1. Hahaha, at least once you’ve mastered it, you feel like you’ve accomplished something! I imagine people learning English for the first time think we’re crazy.

      Like

  10. Oh well. At least I don’t have to worry, because I’m grate at this stuff.

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Getting your words written… yeah, that really sucks!

    —–
    EvaMail Adventures
    H is for Harper

    Liked by 1 person

  12. The thing is, you most likely no the difference, its just that in your hurry to spellcheck you can miss them…
    Sea?

    I’m still going to try this writing thing four a bit longer. I think I can due it. Really!

    Donna Smith
    Mainely Write
    HEYYOO

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sigh, if you must! I can’t seem to save anybody from its clutches… 😉

      Liked by 1 person

    1. Ha! I see what you did there. 😉

      Like

  13. Haha! Truce is stranger than friction, Megan! And by the way, some people seriously make those mistakes because they think spellcheck knows better. I enjoyed your post! Good to meet you!

    VidyaSury.com

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Spellcheck definitely doesn’t know better. Thank you!

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  14. The strength of English is that it can go out and steal any word it wants without changing it, so it has a massive range of expression. But with that comes these darned sound-alikes stolen from different languages new coming from Old French and knew coming from Anglo-Saxon. I guess that means there will always be work for editors, though!

    http://laurelgarver.blogspot.com/2017/04/h-happiness.html

    Liked by 1 person

  15. When I wrote my entry for D, I thought I had proofread that but no, one homophone passed through my eyes. Where and were. It’s aaaaargh! LOL

    Liked by 1 person

  16. *snigger* I no exactly what you mean. 😉
    Tasha
    Tasha’s Thinkings – Shapeshifters and Werewolves

    Like

  17. I didn’t realize homophones were created to torment writers. I thought they were aimed at the mental disintegration of English language students. This is what I do – teach ESL, so I have seen the devastation first hand, and laughed at it. Not at the students because they would be mean. The language itself is cruel enough without it being taught by a sadistic teacher.

    Homophones, don’t bother me, but I tell you after reading and re-reading my manuscript, including out loud which helps pick up a lot of errors, and then having had it proofread and edited by my publisher, to still find mistakes…aarrrgghhhhhh!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh wow, I never thought about how all our weird language quirks would mess up sign language! That’s pretty interesting. And I wonder, if in the history of writers, there has ever been a finished manuscript without an error in it? Hmmm…

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  18. I wonder if their is another way they’re for writers. Haha. An enjoyable read.

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  19. Well, darn it, I was trying to come up with a clever comment, but I came up empty handed. Do you understand? Eye new ewe wood.

    ~Mary
    Jingle Jangle Jungle
    #AtoZChallenge 1970’s Billboard Hits

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I see what you did there. 😉 Or, eye sea?

      Like

  20. 😂 great post. The worst part that such mistakes even manage to fool auto correct!

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    1. I know! Autocorrect is just as confused as we are!

      Liked by 1 person

  21. And don’t forget that there are words that are actually the same, but take up a different meaning in different context. And there are words that when used in slang take up a ‘completely’ different meaning.
    I don’t know who invented language, but their minds didn’t work right in my opinion.

    @JazzFeathers
    The Old Shelter – 1940s Film Noir

    Liked by 1 person

    1. They apparently wanted to make it as difficult as possible. It’s like some kind of code you have to crack!

      Like

  22. In one minute minute, I’ll be in aisle #9, buying bee honey.

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  23. What did you call me!?

    I am not a phone.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Even more fun are words spelt the same with different meanings … you know you love them:
    I wound the bandage around my wound.
    How awesome is that??

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    1. English is like a puzzle, if you can figure it out, you win!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. But do you really??

        Like

  25. That’s super awesome!! Loved your critiques 🙂

    Like

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