H Is For Homophones

For the Blogging From A to Z Challenge I’m doing you all a huge favor and filling you in on the 26 Things To Hate About Writing.** I’m hoping by the end of April, I will have convinced all of you not to indulge in the wild insanity of becoming a writer. If I can save even one person from offering themselves up in sacrifice to the mad and fickle word gods, I will have done some good in this world.

Check out each letter’s post here.

HOMOPHONES

One day, someone created the English language and they were like, “Should I make this easy, with only one word pronounced a certain way?” They thought about it for a bit, then they realized someday there were going to be these dumb creatures called writers, and they laughed. They said, “Heavens no, let me make a bunch of words that sound the same but are spelled differently, and they mean different things. They think they’re so high and mighty being writers, let’s see if they can manage to never mess this up.”

So were born homophones. You think you’re smart enough to never mess them up, don’t you? Well, let’s take a look at that manuscript of yours:

– You know you meant knew, but you wrote new. Somehow, you did this six times. By the way, spellcheck completely ignores crap like this because it figures you’re smarter than it is.
– You start to realize you’re not smarter than a computer program.
– This is all writing’s fault.
– They like to meat in the park and eat meet. Then they get in their boat and sale on down to the mall for the big sail. Spellcheck don’t care. Spellcheck hates you.

One of the worst things about writing is getting your words write. This is apparently a prerequisite for being an author, but even after banging on a keyboard for a hundred years you’re going to screw up from time to time. That’s what editing is for, and it helps us to pay close attention to our work and put real effort into polishing it up. But who has time for that? You have that short story about the time your dog ate the cat’s poop and threw up on the bed to self-publish on Amazon. You don’t have time to sort your fleas and flees.


**Disclaimer: If you haven’t figured it out, these posts are pure satire and simply a humorous way to vent my writing frustrations. No offense is intended to anyone. Please, become or continue being a writer. It’s awesome, I swear. It’s super…duper, awesome…heh heh.

58 comments

  1. So my challenge-mushed brain read your title as “holophone” and I thought “Why are you writing about an instrument from Futurama?” Then I realised it said homophone and laughed at the coincidence…but then I realised the instrument in Futurama was actually called a holophonor, and that I really need more sleep lol!

    Also, yes, spellcheck is the honey badger of the writing world. *nods*

    Here’s my “H” post 🙂 http://nataliewestgate.com/2017/04/hidden-secret-diary-of-a-serial-killer

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  2. My son was depending on spell check in 6th grade. He decided he did need a human editor when I said, “Good luck with your paper on Globule Warming.” Spell check is a bit of a fail on that too.

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  3. I didn’t realize homophones were created to torment writers. I thought they were aimed at the mental disintegration of English language students. This is what I do – teach ESL, so I have seen the devastation first hand, and laughed at it. Not at the students because they would be mean. The language itself is cruel enough without it being taught by a sadistic teacher.

    Homophones, don’t bother me, but I tell you after reading and re-reading my manuscript, including out loud which helps pick up a lot of errors, and then having had it proofread and edited by my publisher, to still find mistakes…aarrrgghhhhhh!!!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Oh wow, I never thought about how all our weird language quirks would mess up sign language! That’s pretty interesting. And I wonder, if in the history of writers, there has ever been a finished manuscript without an error in it? Hmmm…

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  4. And don’t forget that there are words that are actually the same, but take up a different meaning in different context. And there are words that when used in slang take up a ‘completely’ different meaning.
    I don’t know who invented language, but their minds didn’t work right in my opinion.

    @JazzFeathers
    The Old Shelter – 1940s Film Noir

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Even more fun are words spelt the same with different meanings … you know you love them:
    I wound the bandage around my wound.
    How awesome is that??

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