G Is For Grammar

For the Blogging From A to Z Challenge I’m doing you all a huge favor and filling you in on the 26 Things To Hate About Writing.** I’m hoping by the end of April, I will have convinced all of you not to indulge in the wild insanity of becoming a writer. If I can save even one person from offering themselves up in sacrifice to the mad and fickle word gods, I will have done some good in this world.

Check out each letter’s post here.

GRAMMAR

Grammar. I guess we’re supposed to learn it, or something. If you don’t, you’re going to be dealing with one of those editor people I told you about and they’re going to make you fix everything and put it the right way. There’s always a critic, restricting your creative freedom. I don’t know about you, but I don’t not never like nobody messing with my creativities.

One of the worst things about writing is getting your grammar right. It’s a branch of science that’s always changing, and here’s what’s going to happen when you go back through your manuscript and try to correct your grammar mistakes:

– On the first look through your manuscript you’re going to think you completely forgot even the most basic of grammar and wonder how you got this far in life. I’ll tell you what happened. Writing makes you stupid!
– You fix everything up and on a second read-through, you still find more crap you messed up. Writing is the worst!
– It turns out things you thought were correct for years really aren’t. One day you learn something new from an editor and it changes your entire world. This is what you get for writing books: disillusionment.

Cultivating a mastery of language and all the intricacies and rules involved is an ever-growing skill, and learning it is invaluable to your writing and life in general. It makes you smarter, more coherent, and your work more readable. But HONESTLY, is that what you want? You could instead drink a six-pack (or a pot of coffee if you don’t drink alcohol) and write sixty pages of raging, scattered, incoherent diatribe about your pet peeve of choice and, my friend, that’s called art. Let me tell you, the world needs more art!


**Disclaimer: If you haven’t figured it out, these posts are pure satire and simply a humorous way to vent my writing frustrations. No offense is intended to anyone. Please, become or continue being a writer. It’s awesome, I swear. It’s super…duper, awesome…heh heh.

57 thoughts on “G Is For Grammar

  1. Wish I could write books but my grammar lets me down more often than not, spelling is pretty much atrocious too.. Not so much need to worry about spelling these days with spell checker!!!… If only I paid more attention in English class at school, oh well…

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  2. Brilliant! Thanks for the chuckle.

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  3. I expect the first read through by an editor will look like a Kill Bill movie. Oh the price of red ink pens will surely skyrocket!

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    1. LOL that’s a good way to put it!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. If not they aren’t doing their job! But you are doing a fabulous job with the challenge. Way to go Megan.

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  4. I HATE grammar.

    I’ve only read one post in your series and you’ve already convinced me! Ha! 🙂

    With Love,
    Mandy

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  5. What always gets me is the crazy mistakes of basic things that I miss on the first read through and then the second and third and it’s like HOW DID I NOT SEE THIS? AM I BLIND? lol

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    1. LOL yep, been there, done that! Over and over.

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  6. Another great A to Z series like last year 🙂 Grammar is one of my big challenges. The worst is when I go back and forth on a particular rule doubting myself and never quite sure if I’m getting it right. Then it turns out I had it right in the first place.

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    1. Sounds like me, I end up having to look so much stuff up! Thanks for stopping by!

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  7. randommusings29 April 9, 2017 — 9:28 AM

    I can spot bad grammar a mile off in other people’s writing yet in my own, I seem to have the grammar version of snow blindness – which miraculously goes away as soon as I publish!
    Debbie

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    1. I think it’s because we stare at our own work for so long our eyes start to glaze over. That’s why it’s important to have someone else look at it too.

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  8. In an online creative writing class I was a part of, there was one girl who refused to read my work because after a “brief skim she could tell I hadn’t heard of grammer.” Spelt it that way too, several times. I did not heed her advice. Lol

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    1. LOL! I see you met one of those people who know it all. 😉

      Liked by 1 person

      1. I collect them lol

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  9. Hello, fellow A-to-Zer! I LOVED this post. I also found myself nodding as I read it, as a particular remark of yours went home. I think I especially related to the bit about things I believed were correct for years turning out to be wrong. Yes. My dad (who is very kind about beta-reading my fiction for me) recently broke it to me that what follows “…?” isn’t necessarily a capital letter. It looks wrong, to me, to do it the way dad recommends, but I’ve looked it up, and the man is correct. Sigh…
    Melanie Atherton Allen
    http://www.athertonsmagicvapour.com

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    1. Isn’t it amazing? Even after years of being at it, we can learn new things! I think that’s why I love writing though, because there’s always something new and fresh to learn.

      Thanks for stopping by!

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  10. I have a “thing” for correct grammar, but also realize that in the heat of the moment, I will speak or write incorrectly. I usually realize the mistake, but the correct way seems unhandy or pretentious at the time… so I try to let it go! It’s difficult for me to continue reading a book if I encounter more than one mistake in it. Sigh. I DO appreciate a good grammar artist.

    Donna Smith
    Mainely Write
    GO JAMA

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    1. Same here! Despite my joking, I’m really a big fan of correct grammar. As I’ve gotten older I even try to correct it in my own spoken word.

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  11. My Grammar died in 2001, so I don’t think she’d be much help to my writing. :p

    I really do appreciate a writer that uses correct grammar, though. I’ve come across a few self-published books that really would have benefited from a proof-reader. So poorly written, that I could not make it through the book!

    ~Mary
    Jingle Jangle Jungle
    #AtoZChallenge 1970’s Billboard Hits

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    1. Absolutely! I’m very supportive of self-publishing, but I think it’s important for self-published authors not to believe they know everything and couldn’t benefit from a professional eye on their work.

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  12. Here’s how to use bad grammar in a novel. Create a chatty character and put it in their dialogue. Ha!

    G is for Gardasil—Is It Safe?

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    1. Ah, you found the loophole! 😉

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  13. I get annoyed when i spot bad grammar but then often I am in the wrong too cos as you put it – you realise what you had been thingking correct, isnt so 🙂

    Theme: Peregrination Chronicles (travel)
    G is for Grape Stomping in Bangalore #atozchallenge

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    1. It’s amazing how many things I thought were wrong until I had a good editor. It really opened my eyes!

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Proofreading always leads to hunting down semi-colons that artfully decorate the pages 😉 Happy A-to-Z-ing.

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    1. Ha, I have a semi-colon addiction too! 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  15. Grammar gets a bad name because there are too many grammar Nazis out there!

    http://www.sagecoveredhills.blogspot.com

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  16. Love this. As a Canadian, I can tell you that grammar and American spelling may well be the death of me.

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    1. Ha! I can imagine! We do like to do things differently, don’t we?

      Liked by 1 person

  17. It’s the having to keep learning stuff that’s annoying. Who wants to deal with this stuff once they’ve escaped from school?

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    1. I feel the same way. And yet, I came became a writer…duh!

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  18. Grammar is the worst! Just seeing “grammar” and “rules” together in the same sentence is enough to make my eyes glaze over. So, I guess I’m stuck with an editor for life. So much for my creativities. 😛

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    1. Same here! Sigh, I guess we keep them in a job, right?

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  19. No, wait! I have to learn grammar? You mean the grammar of the language I write, in addition to the grammar of the language I speak?
    Listen, I don’t think that’s fair. Learning one grammar is enough of a pain, I’m not going to learn the grammar of the language I write. Besides, where does my creativity go if I have to abide to all those rules.
    It’s clearly madness.

    @JazzFeathers
    The Old Shelter – 1940s Film Noir

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  20. I’m all for the six-pack, as long as it’s Guinness or Killian’s! ;P I really do try to remember all the grammar rules, but high school English was so long ago, and I was lousy at it even then. Some of the stuff that’s grammatically correct doesn’t sound right, and a lot of the stuff that sounds right isn’t grammatically correct (but should be!), so I basically just go with what rules I *can* remember (not many) and with what sounds right the rest of the time. Obviously if I’m writing a certain dialect (like a character from the American South) grammar is going to go right out the window, because if they use a lot of Southernisms (heck, *I* use a lot of Southernisms, and I’m from Indiana…of course I have ancestors from Kentucky and Tennessee…) then they’re not very worried about correct grammar. My grandmother, for example (born and raised in Indiana, mind you) would say “warsh” instead of “wash”, among other quaint sayings she had. It used to drive me nuts, but now if I hear someone say it, especially an older person, I just smile because it reminds me of my grandmother.

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    1. I’m from Ohio, so I definitely know what you’re talking about! My Kentucky Haints series is also set in Kentucky, obviously, and boy did I have fun with that grammar and dialect! I like grammar, but when I started working with editors I was shocked at how many things I’d been getting wrong all along. It was a really eye-opening experience!

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  21. Believe it or not, this was one of my favourite subjects. I loved dissecting sentences into subject, predicate, etc. Finding out the transitive and intransitive verbs, correct use of adverbs, pronouns and adjectives. How wonderful grammar is especially when we had to learn it in three different languages at one time! It is amazing how grammar rules change in different languages……

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    1. I actually really like grammar too. Shhh, don’t tell my brain, or it’ll make me write more books! 😉

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  22. Ah grammar, the bane of my existence. I’m told I’m better than most (when I really try), yet I still need an editor at the end of the day. Stupid English language being so difficult.

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    1. That’s what editors are there for, I guess. We don’t want to put them out of a job!

      Liked by 1 person

  23. I don’t know about you, but I don’t not never like nobody messing with my creativities.

    I don’t know about you, but I do not like anyone messing with my creativity.

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    1. LOL yes, that was entirely intentional! 😉

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  24. Nice. When I was in college I heard so many editors or armchair linguistics experts bemoan the death of the English language. Nonsense. The English language, a shambling a Frankenstein-like monster of a language, is simply evolving. Unfortunately, you are too late to prevent me from being a writer by decades. Alas, the passion has taken root and my condition is irreversible. (Checking in from the #AtoZChallenge, of course)

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    1. I completely agree that language evolves. Even over short periods of time, English words can take on different connotations and slang can become part of the mainstream. Especially in the internet age.

      Ah, sadly then, carry on! 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  25. Sounds familiar to me as a slush reader who gets so much ART lobbed at me!

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    1. Gosh, I can JUST imagine! I bet that’s a really fun job! 😉

      Like

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