For the Blogging From A to Z Challenge I’m doing you all a huge favor and filling you in on the 26 Things To Hate About Writing.** I’m hoping by the end of April, I will have convinced all of you not to indulge in the wild insanity of becoming a writer. If I can save even one person from offering themselves up in sacrifice to the mad and fickle word gods, I will have done some good in this world.
So, you’ve decided you’re going to write stories. You create these stupid characters and give them stupid things to say and stupid things to do. Now, you have to create some kind of world for them to do all that stupid stuff in. You have to make up a pretend universe and plunk them in it, then pray things don’t go wrong. Well, guess what? It will. It will all go wrong.
Whether another world or this one, you have to give your dumb characters a place to act out their ridiculous story and they have to obey the rules of that world. Ha! Everyone knows characters don’t obey anything. Here’s what’s going to happen when you make up your pretend world:
– You might have to do a bunch of research so that you’re knowledgeable enough to write about the subject matter and where it takes place. Like you have time for learning new stuff when you need to get this damn story written and out of your face.
– You run into walls because of the limitations of your world and you have to creatively think around them. Ugh, what am I, a spelunker?
– If it’s a highly complex world with lots of details, good luck, JRR Tolkien. Everybody knows that really complex fantasy world stories don’t sell.
– The lifestyle your characters live, what they do for a living, and their interconnections are all part of that universe and must be carefully worked out. Maybe even integral to the plot. Wow, you just made this really complicated!
One of the worst things about writing is making up fantastic new worlds and universes in which to set your stories, whether it’s another planet or some super sexy, mysterious spy branch of the government. And, who needs it? Don’t you have better things to do? I find cleaning toilets and painting walls to be more rewarding. I mean, nobody likes a fresh, unique take on a story, set in an exciting world where you can lose yourself and indulge all your fantasies. That carefully-constructed world definitely won’t thrill your readers and make you feel fulfilled as an author at the same time. Better give that wall another coat.
**Disclaimer: If you haven’t figured it out, these posts are pure satire and simply a humorous way to vent my writing frustrations. No offense is intended to anyone. Please, become or continue being a writer. It’s awesome, I swear. It’s super…duper, awesome…heh heh.