For the Blogging From A to Z Challenge I’m doing you all a huge favor and filling you in on the 26 Things To Hate About Writing.** I’m hoping by the end of April, I will have convinced all of you not to indulge in the wild insanity of becoming a writer. If I can save even one person from offering themselves up in sacrifice to the mad and fickle word gods, I will have done some good in this world.
Let’s face it: the worst thing about writing is rewriting and editing. It’s like, I already did this once, now I have to go back and fix all my mistakes, make sure the story flows, and that there’s no plot holes or inconsistencies? What kind of masochist do you think I am? I already put up with this awful story this long, now you want me to invest more time polishing it up and making it perfect?
Unfortunately, there’s these awful creatures called ‘editors’ and they seem to believe that you can’t do anything right the first time, like they’re sooooo much smarter than you. If you write a book and expect to publish it, they’re going to make you fix it up, and here’s the awful things you’re going to find when you look at that terrible steaming heap of story you chose to write against all my warnings:
– You thought you connected point A to point B, only to find you veered so far off the path you somehow ended up in the next state over at a rural county fair eating funnel cakes, and this is a sci-fi story. You gotta fix it now. Like there’s no frickin’ funnel cakes in space or something.
– You wrote whole scenes that were pointless and didn’t do anything for the story. That’s why the story ended up being 200,000 words long. But you’re a writer, right? Why are you being punished for writing?!
– You created a gaping plot hole big enough to swallow a bus. Maybe you should just turn this into a story about disappearing busses.
– It becomes plainly obvious you never learned how to spell, use homophones, or apply basic grammar skills. It’s freeform art. These editors are clearly trying to cramp your creativity.
If you write a story, and expect to sell it to people, you might as well do the editing thing. I mean, you’ve been dumb up until this point, why break a streak? And then you know what’s gonna happen? You’re going to have a polished, well-constructed, coherent story with concise writing and no mistakes or typohs. You’re going to learn from all those mistakes you made and not make so many the next time. And you know what that makes you? A better writer. And that means you’re gonna end up writing more stuff. Fool! It’s a vicious cycle!
**Disclaimer: If you haven’t figured it out, these posts are pure satire and simply a humorous way to vent my writing frustrations. No offense is intended to anyone. Please, become or continue being a writer. It’s awesome, I swear. It’s super…duper, awesome…heh heh.