E Is For Edits

For the Blogging From A to Z Challenge I’m doing you all a huge favor and filling you in on the 26 Things To Hate About Writing.** I’m hoping by the end of April, I will have convinced all of you not to indulge in the wild insanity of becoming a writer. If I can save even one person from offering themselves up in sacrifice to the mad and fickle word gods, I will have done some good in this world.

Check out each letter’s post here.

EDITS

Let’s face it: the worst thing about writing is rewriting and editing. It’s like, I already did this once, now I have to go back and fix all my mistakes, make sure the story flows, and that there’s no plot holes or inconsistencies? What kind of masochist do you think I am? I already put up with this awful story this long, now you want me to invest more time polishing it up and making it perfect?

Unfortunately, there’s these awful creatures called ‘editors’ and they seem to believe that you can’t do anything right the first time, like they’re sooooo much smarter than you. If you write a book and expect to publish it, they’re going to make you fix it up, and here’s the awful things you’re going to find when you look at that terrible steaming heap of story you chose to write against all my warnings:

– You thought you connected point A to point B, only to find you veered so far off the path you somehow ended up in the next state over at a rural county fair eating funnel cakes, and this is a sci-fi story. You gotta fix it now. Like there’s no frickin’ funnel cakes in space or something.
– You wrote whole scenes that were pointless and didn’t do anything for the story. That’s why the story ended up being 200,000 words long. But you’re a writer, right? Why are you being punished for writing?!
– You created a gaping plot hole big enough to swallow a bus. Maybe you should just turn this into a story about disappearing busses.
– It becomes plainly obvious you never learned how to spell, use homophones, or apply basic grammar skills. It’s freeform art. These editors are clearly trying to cramp your creativity.

If you write a story, and expect to sell it to people, you might as well do the editing thing. I mean, you’ve been dumb up until this point, why break a streak? And then you know what’s gonna happen? You’re going to have a polished, well-constructed, coherent story with concise writing and no mistakes or typohs. You’re going to learn from all those mistakes you made and not make so many the next time. And you know what that makes you? A better writer. And that means you’re gonna end up writing more stuff. Fool! It’s a vicious cycle!


**Disclaimer: If you haven’t figured it out, these posts are pure satire and simply a humorous way to vent my writing frustrations. No offense is intended to anyone. Please, become or continue being a writer. It’s awesome, I swear. It’s super…duper, awesome…heh heh.

54 thoughts on “E Is For Edits

  1. This is brilliant. ~grin~ Typohs, indeed. I’m learning that after several rewrites my novelette series still has passive voice here and there. At least I’m enjoying time with my beloved characters! Be well.

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  2. So I’m really late catching up on reading your blog – the challenge swallowed me up and turned my brain to mush for a while. But I’m here now! And can binge read hehe.

    Plot holes and plot bunnies, ahh yes! And I’ll raise my hand right now and admit I lose all ability to spell while I’m writing a story lol!

    Here’s my “E” post 🙂 http://nataliewestgate.com/2017/04/examination-secret-diary-of-a-serial-killer

    Like

    1. No worries! I’m glad it’s almost over really, I’m feeling the same way!

      Like

  3. Wait, I have a solution. We should write the first draft, edit and polish all at the same time. Why has nobody ever thought to that????????

    Sorry I have disappeared. I had a problem with my computer for the past two days. I’m trying to catch up now 🙂

    @JazzFeathers
    The Old Shelter – 1940s Film Noir

    Like

    1. Ha, trust me, I’ve thought of that and it doesn’t really work. The first draft is way too changeable for that.

      It’s okay! Welcome back! 🙂

      Like

    1. I guess you shouldn’t go to space, then! 😉

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Vicious is too right! Some people just never learn though, they go round and round and round and edit and edit and edit and end up with a magnificent book and people like it and want more. Totally bonkers! 😉
    Tasha
    Tasha’s Thinkings – Shapeshifters and Werewolves

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    1. Pssssh, I know! They must be mad! 😉

      Like

  5. Nilanjana Bose April 7, 2017 — 2:56 AM

    Haha yes, that’s why I never go beyond the first draft! Write. Abandon. Procrastinate. That’s the general motto around these parts..

    Best,
    Nilanjana
    Madly-in-Verse

    Like

    1. Ha! Sounds like a plan! It can’t drive you crazy if you leave it on the side of the road. 😉

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  6. I agree! The daily A-Z grind helps my production but it sure cuts into my editing!

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    1. Ha! Real writers procrastinate! 😉

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  7. Sometimes I hate editing and other times I enjoy it. Although, it seems no matter how much I edit, those pesky commas still trip me up.

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    1. I feel like I could edit my stuff a thousand times, and then still find something wrong with it after it goes to print. Such is the writing life!

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  8. Currently editing a manuscript, and to reuse something I’ve said before,sometimes it’s like scraping your brain with a rake. And then you wonder why you did the writing thing in the first place.

    But you’re right, it’s as much a part of writing as…writing.

    A to Z Challenge: Entertainment! TV Talk>
    Isa-Lee Wolf
    A Bit 2 Read
    @IsaLeeWolf

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    1. That’s a good analogy! And then when you’re done, your editor is gonna come in and rake it again.

      Thanks for stopping by!

      Liked by 1 person

  9. Ha!!! Love it! “Typohs”!!

    BTW my husband and I went to college with Stephen King.

    Donna Smith
    Mainely Write

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    1. Gasp! I’m so envious! He’s one of my absolute favorite writers!

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  10. Edits are ok. It’s the re-edits that never ends that get to me!

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    1. The edits that never end! Yes, I feel like I’ll be editing from my grave, probably.

      Liked by 1 person

  11. I vote for funnel cakes in space! In all seriousness, editing is rough, it’s like pulling teeth, but it turns mossy boulders into diamonds.

    operationawesome6.blogspot.com/

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  12. Dang it! I really was hoping for funnel cakes in space! What about corn dogs or chili cheese dogs? Okay, well, then I’ll have to settle for chocolate! Love your writing style. Just out of curiosity, how many times did this post go through editing before you were able to post?

    ~Mary

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    1. Haaaa, at least twice. How did you know? 😉 I hear, alas, space is quite lacking in all things delicious.

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  13. What a fun post but also very true. Editing is sometimes akin to cutting an arm off your favorite kid!

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    1. Sometimes that manuscript is like a kid with three arms though, and one needs to come off!

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    2. There’s a writer saying: “Kill your darlings.”

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  14. Oh dear. How did you know about all of my editing mistakes? Are you part of the government spy network?

    E is for Experiment: Turning the USS Eldridge Invisible

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    1. Hahahaha yes! Your next conspiracy post should be about me, clearly. 😉

      Like

    2. Hey! I’m the one blogging about spies!

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  15. I love this theme for the A to Z Challenge! As painful as editing can be, the end result is usually much more beautiful than what you had to start out with. I’ve learned that as much as I hate getting someone else’s opinion, I’m always glad I did!

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    1. Same here! After I’ve read my own manuscript a million times, it’s always very, very helpful to get some fresh eyes on it.

      Thank you! 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  16. It *is* a vicious cycle. I’m on the writing/editing train and don’t know how to make it stop! :O

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    1. Oh, it never stops. Once you’re on it, you’re on it foreeeevvveeer. 😉

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  17. I’m a really bad girl. LOL I don’t wait for the editor to point out my mistakes, I hunt them down all along. Since I’m a pantser, I don’t know where I’m going until I get there, so I’m constantly revising and editing as I go along. Is there no end to this? And then, the editor wants more changes of course. LOL Still enjoying this. Find me here. LINK

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    1. Of course, no matter how many edits you do, someone always wants more! I try to remember the editor is just making my book the best it can be, and grin and bear it!

      Liked by 1 person

  18. I hate editing too! Nothing’s worse than edits and re-edits!

    ~Shweta
    My Random Ramblings​

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  19. This is where I’ve got stuck in writing my book. I started editing the first few chapters and it was kinda fun to update and improve the story. But then it got tedious hahaha!

    Absolutely Amazing Alliteration

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    1. I think it’s a good idea to wait until you’re finished with a book to start editing it. Otherwise you spend so much of your time trying to fix it as you go, you never get it written!

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  20. Again, I want to believe this is satire, and here I am agreeing with you. There’s truth in humor, as I always say.

    Too bad the world requires me to get it right when I publish. I wish the world was more forgiving. But if I have to be a hard-ass about my work, you damn well know I will be a hard-ass for everyone else.

    Editors are a necessary evil. Speaking of which, I’m a content editor. So I too am evil, but necessary.

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    1. Ahhhh, an editor, right in our very midst! Shun, shun! 😉

      Lol seriously though, I’m glad people are figuring out though this is funny, there’s truth in it too. Thank you!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. How am I now just learning about you? You just crack me up.

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  21. I hate hate hate editing. I do it on my work reluctantly as I am of the notion that I would rather create something than re-create something. Why do the same thing twice?

    But it’s funny as my day job sees me employed as the only writer in an IT department and I constantly have to edit everything that comes across my desk.

    And if there’s no funnel cakes in space, I ain’t going

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    1. Seems like you just can’t get away from editing. And there’s no cotton candy either, sadly!

      Liked by 1 person

  22. I absolutely *hate* editing! It’s a good thing I’m so good at spelling, because half the words I type Spell Checker in Word has never heard of, so I have to triple check it to make sure I really did spell it correctly before I click on “Add to Dictionary” so that the next 3,000 times I type that word it will accept it with no problems. As to sentence structure and all that, I couldn’t do that stuff when I was in school, let alone now…If it sounds good, I leave it alone, if it doesn’t I mess with it until it does. 😛

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have the same issues with Word’s spellcheck! I can’t believe it’s a writing program that doesn’t know so many words. Just another thing to trip us poor writers up. 😉

      Like

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