Skip to content

B Is For Books

For the Blogging From A to Z Challenge I’m doing you all a huge favor and filling you in on the 26 Things To Hate About Writing.** I’m hoping by the end of April, I will have convinced all of you not to indulge in the wild insanity of becoming a writer. If I can save even one person from offering themselves up in sacrifice to the mad and fickle word gods, I will have done some good in this world.

Check out each letter’s post here.

BOOKS

Books! Ugh, am I right? People write entire books and actually publish them, and other people buy them and read them. What kind of world do we live in? One of the worst things about writing is that if you want to be one of these crazy people who publish books, you have to write them first. Do you know what that entails? Do you really want me to lay out the ugly truth for you? Okay, here goes (don’t say you weren’t warned).

If you write a book, this is what’s gonna happen:

– You will plot and plan and then start writing and it’ll be nothing like you originally imagined.
– Your characters won’t give a crap what you want, because you’ve created Frankenstein monsters with minds of their own.
– When you’re done writing, then you have to go back and fix all the mistakes you made! Really?! You’re never allowed to write perfectly the first time.
– You might not even finish it, then you’re gonna cry.
– You might finish it and still cry because it didn’t come out right.

How do I know these things? Because I was dumb enough to write books. I even published a bunch of them. Don’t get into writing books, kids. I don’t care if it’s in your heart and soul to be a writer, I don’t care if writing gives you more joy and peace than you’ve ever known, I don’t care if the writing community is supportive and wonderful, don’t write books. Because then you’re gonna have a bunch of books written and you’re really gonna regret it.


**Disclaimer: If you haven’t figured it out, these posts are pure satire and simply a humorous way to vent my writing frustrations. No offense is intended to anyone. Please, become or continue being a writer. It’s awesome, I swear. It’s super…duper, awesome…heh heh.

Megan Morgan View All

Urban fantasy and paranormal romance author.

65 thoughts on “B Is For Books Leave a comment

  1. Megan I have three sci-fi manuscripts plus one mystery and two suspense/thrillers in my stable. My biggest need is to find an agent willing to listen to me and invest in my talent. Or tell me what I need to do to develop my talent. Yes I am demented enough to plod along on this twisty path. I so enjoy your humorous portrayal of our shared madness!

    Like

    • Agents won’t tell you what you need to fix or develop, it’s better to join a critique circle or writer’s group for that, or pay an editor to help you out. The good news is you don’t ALWAYS need an agent to get published, there’s many different paths you can take to traditional publishing. Just keep at it!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. I always find my books take turns that I hadn’t anticipated. That’s why I never have a set plan, just a rough idea of where the story is going to go
    Debbie

    Like

    • I’m the same way. I usually just start with a changeable idea of where I want to end up and sorta vaguely move in that direction. Then I just pray the characters don’t run me into walls getting there!

      Like

  3. Hilarious, and so true! I always start out knowing basically where I want to go with my story, and of course then my characters go, “HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA….no.” And then proceed to do whatever they feel like doing, while giving me the two-finger salute (British style :P) and laughing maniacally. Threatening them doesn’t work, either, cause really, what am I gonna do to them? Stop writing about them? Yeah, right, they know better than that. Sadistic little blighters,,,

    Speaking of sadistic…here’s my second entry: LINK

    Like

  4. So many books and characters and worlds to explore. I could read all day every day and not get to all of them. And yet, I confess that I have an addiction and just can’t stop. I don’t think there’s any help out there for me.
    Doree Weller

    Like

  5. I don’t write books yet. I have two self-published books of poetry and two poems in anthologies…and a short book printed just for my grandson. I am like a writer in paradise. I could actually publish my first draft this way, if I wanted to – no edits (though not too bright to do that)! Oooh, and no characters really…though even poetry will still take on a life of its own and often doesn’t go where you thought it would.
    I think much of what you said is quite serious. It’s no joke. You shouldn’t be writing to make money or be famous. You should write because you like being dragged through mire, being spat upon, waking in the middle of the night by a character, sharpening new pencils, banging your head against keyboards, drinking cold coffee…I could go on, but I’d have to make a new chapter, and then this would be a book. And I don’t write books…yet.
    Donna Smith
    Mainely Write
    BRAVES

    Like

    • Even though you don’t write books yet, I think you said it perfectly! It’s a hard job, that must be rewarded in love for the craft itself. I’m also glad that a lot of people are realizing even though this theme is supposed to be funny, it’s quite serious. 🙂

      Like

  6. I’m a bad girl. I’ve published 17 novels, 2 novellas, 3 short stories and 3 episodes of a sci-fi series. I haven’t made enough to support myself, but a few people are buying my efforts and some even leave reviews to say they liked them. I love this tongue in cheek look at writing. Well done.

    Like

  7. Well, I have a confession. I have published oen book and written a few others. I know I know, I should have never done it. Don’t know what I was thinking.

    Err… I have a second confession. I am a bookseller.
    That’s must be the reason why I wrote books, because I spend so much time in their company that in the end they just crawl under my skin and make me do strange stuff. In fact, they gave me such a bad addiction that even when I’m off work, I’ll visit other people’s bookshops.

    Thank goodness there are people like you warning off agaist these tricky villains.
    I’ll sue my bosses for what they had done to me, sooner or later.

    Like

  8. Preach it sister. I’ve written five, (the last one stole two years of my life and virtually no one will read it)…and I’m still frolicking around in the forest of obscurity, stoned on my own delusions of grandeur.

    Like

  9. haha, haven’t convinced me yet.
    I think I sound pretty much the same when anyone tells me they are thinking of entering my profession and ask for advice- ‘don’t do it!’… unless you KNOW it is your passion (not just something you are considering) 😛

    I am doing the A to Z on books I read before I started the blog: Something Horrid

    Like

    • I’m the same way! Can you put in all the hard work? Suffer the disappointments? Start, fail, and start again? Are you doing it for the love of writing, not for money, fame, or notoriety? That’s how you know someone really wants to be a writer!

      Liked by 2 people

  10. I know you’re trying to be funny, but that’s exactly it. Though I do meet writers who want to be authors work against the grain and then get frustrated when things don’t happen as they expect. Though the cocky ones who think they know more than me about writing a book (I stand on 5 books so far), it’s just fun to laugh at them when they fail in the obvious ways. I’m an asshole.

    Like

    • Not an asshole! Writing is like many skills that are difficult to execute and build–a lot of people think they can find ‘shortcuts’ to making it work for them. But there are no shortcuts. You have to write, write, write, and then write some more, throw it all away, start again, and keep chugging on. There’s no fast, easy way to make it happen.

      Thanks for stopping by!

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: