For the Blogging From A to Z Challenge I’m doing you all a huge favor and filling you in on the 26 Things To Hate About Writing.** I’m hoping by the end of April, I will have convinced all of you not to indulge in the wild insanity of becoming a writer. If I can save even one person from offering themselves up in sacrifice to the mad and fickle word gods, I will have done some good in this world.
Let’s just get this out on the table first thing. The worst thing about writing is authors. That’s right, there are actually people out there who create characters and pretend worlds, write stories about them, and attempt to get those stories published. If you think this is somehow cool or interesting, do I have a cautionary tale for you.
Many, many years ago, when I was young and naïve, do you know what I did, like some kind of crazy person? I started writing in a notebook and decided I wanted to be an author. Just a dumb kid, right? Oh, but I didn’t stop there. Eventually I used a typewriter, then a word processor, then a computer, and now I’ve written TONS of stuff and even have books published. Who is stupid enough to go that far with it? Me, apparently.
Let me tell you what being an author has created for me:
– Plot holes
– Characters who won’t cooperate
– Screaming into the night when my story won’t do what I want it to do
– Writer’s block
– Worn down keys on my keyboard
– A caffeine addiction
If you’re thinking about becoming an author, don’t. Find a more fulfilling, less frustrating job like walking unruly dogs or babysitting hyperactive two year-olds. The last thing the world needs is more authors creating rich, complex worlds and memorable characters that help people get lost in fantasy and are beloved by readers the world over. You know who does things like that? Psychos, that’s who.
**Disclaimer: If you haven’t figured it out, these posts are pure satire and simply a humorous way to vent my writing frustrations. No offense is intended to anyone. Please, become or continue being a writer. It’s awesome, I swear. It’s super…duper, awesome…heh heh.